I cried during a spinning class.
If you're unfamiliar with the concept of indoor group cycling, think lights so dark that not tripping on your way to your bike is an achievement in itself, absolutely banging music, and usually a lot of tiny, high-ponytailed women in colour-matched Spandex looking like they're having the time of their fucking life.
And honestly, right before the tears, I was having the time of my life!
It was during COVID, when little moments of joy were few and far between, and at the time these workouts were the closest thing we had to going out with friends.
So my bestie and I did A LOT of spinning at that time.
Anyway, on that particular day, the instructor (who, blasphemy aside, I had nicknamed Spin Jesus) gave the class a spiel about all of us coming together as one, linked in our shared humanity by sweat, 1 pedal at a time.
It was both incredibly corny and really lovely and inspiring.
A room full of people, my darling bestie beside me, all together trying not to lose our fucking minds. I felt all the feels, hence the tears.
Getting healthier with someone beats having someone healthy around you
I doubt I'm breaking any news to you by sharing the idea that we change best when surrounded by others. “Accountability partners”, workout buddies and support groups are super common tropes, and for good reason.
We’re social creatures, so behaviour rarely happens in isolation. The people around us shape what feels normal, what feels possible and sometimes whether we actually end up even doing the thing at all.
But what I think we often miss is that having a healthy person around you isn't the same as getting healthier with someone.
A 2015 study followed more than 3,500 couples over 50.
If you weren't active and your partner stayed on the sofa, you had about a 1 in 4 chance of getting moving.
If your partner started moving too, you had a 2 in 3 chance of getting moving.
Surprisingly, that even beat having a partner who was already active.
Turns out, getting your shit together is contagious.
When someone like you does the thing, it suddenly looks doable. And every tiny win you share makes the next one easier.
Someone in it with you helps more than someone keeping an eye on you
The best person to do the healthy thing with might not be the person who's already good at it. Sometimes, it's the person who’s still figuring it out too.
Think about it. It's less intimidating. You'll go to the class or join a programme because you know they're going too, it's social and more fun. You both celebrate the small wins.
This isn't just having an accountability partner. You're not reporting to anyone here.
Because the best kind of accountability is the kind that you choose. Support is awesome until you start to feel like you’re being scolded, monitored or told what to do.
So you don't necessarily need someone stricter than you are, someone who will “motivate” you, who has done this before.
You need someone doing it WITH you.
⚡️This week's Wellbeing by Design experiment: Find Your 'Plus One'
Pick 1 healthy thing you've been trying to do and it's just not happening (if you redesigned a goal last week, use that one).
Pick your person, someone who might also find this hard or keeps saying they will start but don't. If you're trying to start running, that might be the friend who keeps telling you they want to sign up for a 5km, NOT the friend who ran 10 marathons. A phone call works, so does doing the thing at the same time in different cities.
Think of something you already usually do with that person (coffees, brunches, dinners) and turn that time into a window to do the healthy thing together.
Go send that message now, with date/time/venue. Remember it's NOT a call for help, it's an offer to get healthier together. And making the plan together really counts: in 1 trial, people who planned the when and where of their exercise with someone else reported doing more of it, even 6 months later.
You might ask: Noemie, I can't think of anyone. Then go find that person! Strike up a convo at the end of a gym class, start a thread on a Facebook group, make it your mission to find your person.
Sometimes the best 'hack' for a healthier, richer, more joyful life is just another person beside you who's trying too.
You go because they go, they go because you go.
Maybe Spin Jesus was onto something after all.
With love,
Noemie x
What’s one healthy thing you’d be more likely to do if someone was doing it with you?
Key Sources
Sarah E. Jackson, Andrew Steptoe and Jane Wardle, 'The Influence of Partner's Behavior on Health Behavior Change: The English Longitudinal Study of Ageing' (2015) 175(3) JAMA Internal Medicine 385 https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2091401.
Andrew Prestwich, Mark T. Conner, Rebecca J. Lawton, Jane K. Ward, Karen Ayres and Rosemary R. C. McEachan, 'Randomized Controlled Trial of Collaborative Implementation Intentions Targeting Working Adults' Physical Activity' (2012) 31(4) Health Psychology 486 https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027672.
Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, certified yoga instructor, and creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™. Trained in design thinking at the Stanford d.school, she writes Unwritten Potential, a newsletter about evidence-based wellbeing, sustainable habits, mental wellbeing, and health behaviour change for smart, health-curious people who want to feel their best without making it a full-time job.
I like this framing.
It’s easy to think discipline is an individual problem, but environment and support probably decide more than we admit.
Having someone close enough to notice when you’re slipping might be more powerful than another productivity system.
I can see how doing it with someone who's figuring out has a higher chance of success. Probably it removes comparison and they support each other's struggle.
I wonder if this model works in other areas as well