⚡ Most habit advice tells you what to add. I help you subtract first, so your habits actually survive real life.
Join 2,000+ burned-out humans learning evidence-based behaviour change without toxic wellness, hustle culture, or self-help BS.
I’m Noemie Mooney, ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, and creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™.
Subscribe for weekly tools that help you do less, better.
The urge to fix, solve, and advise before someone has even finished talking has a name: the righting reflex.
In this episode, certified health coach Noemie Mooney explains William Miller and Stephen Rollnick’s work on motivational interviewing, why well-meaning advice often creates resistance, and why high achievers often turn the righting reflex inward.
Because sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not fix.
It is to listen.
In this episode
What the righting reflex is, and why the urge to help can make change less likely
What motivational interviewing is, and why it has become such an important evidence-based coaching approach
Why unsolicited advice often backfires
Miller and Rollnick’s “dancing vs wrestling” metaphor for coaching, guiding, and behaviour change
Why high achievers often struggle with self-compassion
How the simple shift from “but” to “and” can change your relationship with difficulty
A practical experiment to try this week in your relationships, and with yourself
✏️ Free exercise: The Bullshit Audit
Before you add another habit, look at what’s already draining you.
I made a free 20-minute exercise based on the first step of my MAKE SPACE Method™ to help you map your energy, spot your biggest drainers, and see what actually needs to shift before you pile more on.
Start here 👉 Get the free Bullshit Audit worksheet
Mentioned in this episode
The righting reflex: Miller and Rollnick’s concept from motivational interviewing, describing the urge to fix, correct, or solve before fully listening
Miller, W.R. & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change (3rd ed.)
The “but” vs “and” reframe: A coaching tool drawn from acceptance-based frameworks and positive psychology coaching
Your experiment for this week
Next time someone you care about tells you about something hard, try this:
No solutions for the first five minutes.
Instead, ask three questions:
What does that feel like?
What’s the hardest part?
What do you think you need?
Notice the urge to fix.
That’s the righting reflex.
Advanced version: try the same three questions on yourself.
Favourite line
The space between someone sharing a problem and you offering a solution is the most important space in any relationship. Including the one you have with yourself.
Reflection question
What’s the last thing you tried to fix that actually just needed to be heard?
Noemie x
Noemie Mooney is an ACE Certified Health Coach, ICF-trained Behaviour Change Specialist, podcast host and the creator of the MAKE SPACE Method™, a science-backed framework for sustainable habits and mental health. She writes on Substack about burnout, habit formation, and evidence-based behaviour change psychology for people who want practical tools without the self-help BS.
