My Christmas List: 5 Wellness & Productivity Trends That Need to Die in 2026

Before we begin: if you’re already nodding along to the title, I’m launching something for people who are done with New Year resolutions but want to start the year with energy, clarity and momentum! The Anti-Resolution Reset mini-course drops January 1st and pre-orders are open now at 50% off. Grab your spot here or keep reading and I’ll tell you more at the end :)

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Most people write Christmas lists full of things they want.

I’m writing a list full of things I want GONE.

I’m living off my suitcase for the next year, I don’t have space for random “stuff” anyway.

So not gifts. Not gadgets.

Just the wellness and productivity nonsense that’s been making us more anxious, more broke, and ironically, less well.

Consider this my hit list.

To be clear, I’m not saying self-improvement is a bad thing, at all.

I’m a health coach. I make a living helping people change. Personal growth and investing in our wellbeing is AWESOME!

But somewhere along the way, we turned “taking care of yourself” into a performance sport.

One that requires a 5am alarm, a content strategy, a supplement stack, and a tolerance for feeling like you’re never quite doing it right.

So here are the 5 wellness trends I’d like us to leave behind in 2026.

1. The 5am Morning Routine Industrial Complex

Mark Wahlberg apparently wakes at 2:30am. Tim Cook sends emails at 3:45am.

Some dude called Ashton Hall went viral for his 3:52am routine that includes push-ups at 4:04am and dunking his face in ice water.

Twice.

Meanwhile, TikTok is full of “5-to-9 before your 9-to-5” content: women filming 47-step morning routines of journaling, green juice, pilates, and gratitude practice.

All before the sun comes up.

Different aesthetics but same message: if you’re not suffering before sunrise, you’re probably falling behind.

Here’s the thing: there’s zero evidence that waking up at 5am makes you more successful. What there IS evidence for? Consistent sleep.

Which I was seriously deprived of when I tried the 5am Club for a few months 2 years ago.

And it’s bad news because rest is ANOTHER metric to optimise.

Sleep scores. Competitive recovery.

When even doing nothing becomes a performance indicator, something has gone very wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea!

Fantasy Noemie wakes up at 5am, meditates for 30 minutes listening to the birds, drinks matcha and cooks breakfast from scratch.

Real Noemie? I wake up at 6.30am, work for 2 hours, slurp a protein shake on the way to the gym, definitely don’t cook (unless you count frozen veggies?) and my meditation is a few slow breaths when I remember.

Not sexy or Instagram-worthy. But definitely sustainable for me.

Your morning routine should serve your life. Not the other way around.

2. Performative Wellness

For women, it’s the “That Girl” aesthetic: slicked-back hair, matching workout sets, oat milk latte, gratitude journal with perfect handwriting.

For men, it’s “monk mode”: cold plunges filmed for the gram, dopamine detoxes, performative suffering as a personality trait.

Different packaging. Same performance. Both need time, money, and a lifestyle most people don’t have.

I avoid Instagram these days. Because even as a fairly fit and healthy 42-year-old health coach, I still find myself comparing. Wondering if there’s more I could be doing. If everyone else has figured out something I haven’t.

And that’s the shadow side: wellness perfectionism. The guilt spiral when you skip the meditation. The shame when you break the fast early. The quiet sense of failure when your Sunday doesn’t look like a Pinterest board.

Wellness has become another thing to fail at.

Real self-care is often boring. It’s going to bed on time. It’s saying no.

It’s the stuff no one films because it is dull AF.

3. Diet Culture

In the 90s and 2000s, diet culture was obvious. Count calories. Eat less. Shrink.

As an elder millennial woman, I grew up in peak diet culture.

The Biggest Loser. Extreme Makeover. We were fed the message that transformation required humiliation, and that weight equalled moral failure.

I lived this story. At my heaviest, I was over 20kg heavier than I am now. I tried every diet going and internalised the shame-as-motivation narrative so deeply it took me years to untangle.

Then body positivity pushed back. “Strong not skinny” had a moment.

But diet culture got a makeover. Now it’s “clean eating.” “Gut resets.” “Intermittent Fasting”

And because women’s bodies are apparently seasonal like jeans, skinny is having a comeback.

The Ozempic era is here. Wellness influencers talk about “inflammation” and “bloating” in ways that sound a lot like the fat-phobia we thought we’d left behind.

I’m not here for it. I did NOT survive this BS to go backwards.

4. Biohacking & Supplement Theatre

Bryan Johnson spends $2 million a year on his anti-ageing regimen: 100+ daily supplements, blood transfusions from his teenage son, a team of 30 doctors monitoring his every biomarker.

I don’t even follow him, and yet I know more about his morning erections than I’d ever like to.

But Bryan Johnson is just the extreme end of a much bigger problem. Everyone’s selling supplements now. Influencers. Podcasters. That girl from your gym. Every second wellness account has a promo code and a “stack” they swear by.

Even as a health coach, I’m cautious here. I’ll share information, but I don’t make recommendations, and I certainly don’t sell them with an affiliate link. Because the truth is, most people don’t need 47 pills.

They need sleep and vegetables.

Start with the basics before you optimise.

This extreme version of wellness creates an illusion that longevity requires expensive interventions.

Elitist longevity cosplay for people who’ve run out of things to optimise.

Meanwhile, the evidence-based longevity strategies are painfully boring: don’t smoke, eat vegetables, move your body, sleep enough, drink water, manage stress, stay connected to people.

That’s it. That’s the list.

5. “Do Your Own Research” and Anti-Science Culture

Honestly this is the one that keeps me up at night.

Wellness spaces have become entry points for conspiracy thinking and extreme ideologies.

It starts with “do your own research” and questioning mainstream medicine (sometimes valid).

But the algorithm never just stops there.

Some of my favourite podcasts have become unbearable. What used to be genuinely interesting conversations have turned into platforms for pseudoscience guests making outrageous claims for clickbait.

The algorithm rewards controversy, not accuracy.

“Root cause” gurus exploit genuine medical mistrust, and they offer super compelling alternatives: “I’ll find the REAL reason you’re unwell.”

For people who feel they’ve been abandoned by mainstream medicine (or worse gaslit by their practitioners, as it happened to several of my friends), this might be their last hope. So they fall for it.

But the solutions are often pseudoscience with a $500 supplement protocol attached.

And this isn’t fringe anymore. It’s in my feed and it’s probably in yours too.

Critical thinking is wellness. Questioning the wellness industry is wellness.

Start 2026 with Energy, Momentum and Clarity!

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably tired of the same January cycle.

Big goals, then life happens, and by February you’ve quietly given up.

It’s not a discipline problem. It’s a clarity problem. You’re setting goals for a fantasy version of yourself, rather than Real You in your very real life.

➡️ The Anti-Resolution Reset is my answer.

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Here’s to wanting less, but better in 2026!

With love,
Noemie X

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