The Subtraction Method

Stop these 3 things to design a life you actually love

Most wellbeing advice has one thing in common. It tells you to add.

Add more habits.
Add more routines.
Add more systems.
Add more to your already overloaded day.

But what if the real shift comes from what you STOP doing?

When we face a problem, our brains naturally try to fix it by adding something. Psychologists call it the additive bias.

But often, subtraction works better. Less really can be more.

Because you can’t build a better life on top of a foundation that drains you.

So before you sign up for another 30-day challenge or build a new morning routine, ask yourself this:

What’s quietly making everything harder?

Let’s clear some of those out.

​In this week's episode ​(or keep reading!), I share 3 research-backed behaviours that I stopped for a much happier, joyful life.

They’re simple, powerful, and designed to give you back energy, motivation, and clarity.

1. Stop pretending you’ll change “someday”

“I want to be healthy… but I don’t have time to go to the gym.”
“I want to stop drinking… but I really need a glass of wine tonight.”
“I want a more meaningful job… but I can’t deal with starting over right now.”

Sound familiar?

That uncomfortable tension between what you want and what you do? That’s called cognitive dissonance.

When your values and your actions don’t match, your brain gets agitated. It creates mental friction that drains your energy and makes you feel stuck.

Most people try to soothe that tension with vague promises. “Oh, I’ll start soon” or “After this super busy week, definitely!” or “Next month for sure”.

But here’s the truth. Most of the time, nothing changes simply because you’re not actually ready to change. And that’s okay!

What you are ready for is to be honest about where you are.

Do you really want to stop? Or do you just want to want it? Do you actually feel ready to change? Or are you just tired of feeling bad?

There’s power in clarity. Not pretending.

When you stop pretending to be all in, you let go of the mental load of “shoulds”. Then, you can finally take clear, achievable steps forward.

That might look like:

🌱 “I’m not ready to stop drinking yet, but I want to cut back this weekend”
🌱 “I’m not going to the gym, but I’ll walk 10 minutes during lunch today”
🌱 “I’m not leaving my job yet, but I’ll start journaling about what I actually want”

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It just has to be real.

For example, for years I told myself I should give up alcohol, so so many times. And I even did (albeit always temporarily).

But it always felt like I was missing out. Deep down, I didn’t actually want to stop. Not yet.

But once I got truly clear that I would be happier, healthier, and more me without it, the dissonance disappeared. Poof. So I quit. And it was easy. I’ve never missed it since.

So here's a coaching question for you: What decision would feel easier if you stopped trying to force it and just told yourself the honest truth?

2. Stop chasing goals that don’t feel like yours

Raise your hand if you've ever set a goal that looked great on paper… but felt empty in real life (👋🏻 me!)

Like getting the promotion that made your LinkedIn shine, but left you absolutely drained.

Running the marathon because it sounded badass, but secretly hating every step of training.

Buying the dream house that just added more pressure to your life.

Sometimes it’s not that the goal is wrong. It’s that it was never really yours.

You were chasing the “shoulds”. The goal that looked good, sounded impressive, or matched someone else’s version of success. But deep down, something felt off.

That disconnect? It kills motivation. Because your brain is wired to pursue meaning, not performance.

Instead of forcing yourself to commit to something you’re not sure about, try what Anne-Laure Le Cunff calls a tiny experiment.

Ask yourself: What’s the smallest version of this goal I could try, just to see how it feels?

🌱 Thinking about a career shift? Don’t quit your job, but have one honest conversation with someone doing what you’re curious about.

🌱 Want to get fitter? Don’t sign up for a full marathon, but try a 15-minute class and check in with how it makes you feel.

🌱 Want to write a book? Don’t block 3 hours every morning, but start with one messy paragraph and see if it lights you up!

Tiny experiments help you gather real data instead of chasing ideas. They bring clarity, not pressure. And they let you adjust course before you invest everything in a path that doesn’t actually fit.

So before you go all in, ask yourself: If no one else ever knew I did this… would I still want it?

Because if the goal doesn’t light you up on the inside, I promise you it’s not worth the grind on the outside.

3. Stop trying to hate yourself into change

I did this for years! But if guilt and shame actually worked, most of us would be thriving by now.

But let’s be real. Beating yourself up hasn’t exactly helped, has it?

Telling yourself you should do more might feel like it gives you a kick, but it’s not the kind of fuel that lasts. It drains your energy, chips away at your confidence, and makes change feel heavier than it needs to be.

The research backs this up.

Studies show that being kind to yourself in tough times makes you more likely to take positive steps. It creates a sense of safety rather than threat, which calms your nervous system so you can actually do something helpful.

Positive emotion is what wires a new behaviour into your identity. Without it, the new habit will not stick. Shame might spark a quick sprint. Self-kindness builds momentum. It's a must-have.

So the next time you catch yourself going full inner-critic, pause and ask: “Would I say this to someone I care about?”

Then shift your self-talk from punishment to respect. From “I have to fix myself” to “I want to take care of myself because I matter.”

How we speak to ourselves is so important.

Here are some mental reframe to keep in your back pocket:

🌱 “I’m finding this hard, and I still want to try again.”
🌱 “I slipped up, but that doesn’t mean I’ve failed.”
🌱 “I’m learning how to do this differently.”

Change doesn’t come from being harder on yourself. It comes from being on your own side.

No one is coming to save you. You have to be your BIGGEST cheerleader!

Here’s your coaching nudge: What would change if you spoke to yourself like someone worth rooting for?

Subtraction is the secret

Here's the thing about subtraction: it doesn't feel productive at first.

Our culture celebrates the grind, the hustle, the "more-is-more mentality". But sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is create space.

Space to breathe. Space to think clearly. Space to notice what actually matters to you.

When you stop pretending you'll change "someday," you create space for honest action today.

When you stop chasing goals that aren't really yours, you create space to discover what lights you up.

When you stop trying to hate yourself into change, you create space for the kind of self-respect that builds lasting momentum.

The beautiful irony? By doing less of what drains you, you suddenly have more headspace, more energy for what feeds you.

So before you add one more thing to your plate, ask yourself: What can I subtract instead?

Your future self will thank you for the breathing room.

Remember, you're the author of your story. You have more control than you realise.

🎧 Listen to the episode here :)

With Love,
Noemie x

PS: What resonated most with you from today's newsletter? I'd love to hear which of these 3 behaviours you're ready to stop. Leave a comment and let me know!