I spent most of my 30s in a relationship with someone wildly unreliable. Someone who made promises every Sunday and broke them by Wednesday. That person was me. And the worst part wasn’t the failing, it was how I spoke to myself afterwards. In this episode, I’m breaking down why self-criticism keeps you stuck, what the research actually says about shame and habit change, and the two-part approach that finally worked for me.
In this episode:
The Sunday-to-Wednesday promise cycle (and why I lived there for years)
What actually happens in your brain when you beat yourself up
Why dieters who practise self-compassion recover faster from slips
The “start fresh Monday” trap and what’s really going on
Why compassion doesn’t make you soft, it makes you resilient
Self-compassion plus environment design: the combination that works
Your experiment for this week: Pick one tiny promise to keep to yourself this week. A glass of water before coffee. A ten-minute walk. Lights out by 11. When you break it (because you will), notice what you say to yourself. Replace “for fuck’s sake” with “OK, what happened? What do we try differently?” Then make it stupidly easy: put the glass by the kettle, lay out the shoes, set the alarm. Self-compassion plus environment design.
“I spent years at war with myself. Trying to punish and discipline and shame my way into being someone I liked. It never worked. What worked was becoming someone I could trust.”
If this one resonated, share it with someone who’s been stuck in the self-criticism spiral. They’re not lazy. They’re not broken. They just need a different approach.
Tell me: what’s the one small promise you’re keeping this week?
I genuinely want to know 💛
Noemie X
