I spent two years wanting to stop drinking before I actually stopped. Two years of promising myself that this time would be different. Turns out, wanting to change and being ready to change aren’t the same thing, and that distinction would’ve saved me years of shame spirals. In this episode, I’m breaking down the six stages of change, why you’re probably using the wrong approach for the stage you’re actually in, and what to do instead.
In this episode:
Why wanting to change and being ready to change are completely different things
The six stages of behaviour change (and how to spot which one you’re actually in)
Why 80% of people relapse at least once, and why that’s normal, not failure
What to do at each stage, from contemplation to maintenance
A simple readiness exercise that cuts right through the bullshit
Timestamps:
[00:00] Cold open: “I spent two years wanting to stop drinking...”
[01:30] Life update from Salvador, Brazil
[02:30] The Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change, explained
[04:30] The six stages of change
[06:30] Why I kept designing plans for someone in action when I was still in contemplation
[08:00] What to actually do at each stage
[10:00] Weekly experiment: rate your readiness 1–10
[12:00] Bottom line
Mentioned in this episode:
Prochaska & DiClemente: Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change (Stages of Change)
Your experiment for this week: Pick one habit you’ve been trying to build or break. Rate your readiness to change it right now, 1 to 10. Then ask yourself: why didn’t I say a lower number? That answer is the part of you that wants this. Finally, ask: what would need to be true for me to be just one number higher? That’s your next step. Not the whole plan. Just the next step.
“I kept designing plans for someone in action, but really I was someone in contemplation. No wonder nothing worked.”
If this one hit home, share it with someone who’s been stuck in that start-stop cycle. They’re probably not lazy. They’re probably just in the wrong stage.
Tell me: which stage are you actually in right now?
I genuinely want to know. 💛
Noemie X
