I was on a video call in Santiago de Chile when the earth started shaking. I’d just asked a question, so I was unmuted, camera on. And I did absolutely nothing. I just kept smiling.
You’ve probably never smiled through an earthquake (I hope). But you’ve almost certainly said “I’m fine!” when you weren’t. This week is about why we do it, and why admitting how you actually feel doesn’t mean giving up on changing anything. As I put it in the episode: “I can admit how I feel, and I can still hold the pen.”
In this episode
Why “I’m fine” comes out on autopilot, even when it isn’t true
What hiding your feelings costs you: you’re busy managing how you look while also trying to take in what’s happening
Why accepting a feeling isn’t the same as accepting the situation (from a study of more than 1,000 people)
Why waiting to feel better before you do anything can keep you stuck
The little exercise from Tuesday’s newsletter
Chapters
00:00 Smiling through an earthquake
01:21 Hello, and what’s a samba smile?
03:14 The automatic “I’m fine”
04:01 What hiding your feelings costs you
06:16 Accept the feeling, not the situation
07:25 Why waiting to feel better keeps you stuck
08:39 Try this week’s exercise
Mentioned in this episode
If you liked this one, listen to
Why is trying to be healthy so exhausting? (episode 49)
Sources
Richards and Gross, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2000: Emotion regulation and memory: the cognitive costs of keeping one’s cool
Ford and others, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018: The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts
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